Oh-my-god. This is the best video that never aired on music television. We’re all gathered in the parking lot of L-P. It’s high noon. Bill had his camera spinning on Ludlow’s $1600 orthopedic-I’m- the-boss- here chair… I had my best Billy Idol sneer workin overtime… Barry rocked the Aquanet for some real Poison meets Winger meets Sebastian Bach action… and Jess?....grrrrrrr! Solid Gold dancers got nothing on her. I had all of L-P shakin’ like Rock Lobsters on ice as I pounded out a heavy heavy metal madness ditty on the Casio (that I wrote last night in moment of true Indooritis Inspired madness). Smoke machine pumpin, tea bags flying, Ice T chillin, video music history in the making. Stay tuned for the big reveal!

You know, I wonder if I could quick-change the canned video drivel Parkes will be using to pitch the Vikings account end of June with an *alternate* video …. Hmmm.

So a couple of nights ago I was workin late. Again. Chewin my way through a pack of Number Six Soft pencils over the fact that L and P  

(a) wouldn’t even consider letting me snag a couple seats in the company Twins box which no one was using for the next week, and then  

(b) threw me on a last minute project due yesterday.

  Then it hit me. Why get mad when I can get Inspired? And you know what I saw? The most ear splitting, eye candy pleasing, Corporate Music Video of ALLTIME!!!!! Risky Business sunglasses for everyone. Gonna rent a big finned Cadillac and get my dad’s big shouldered suit out of mouthballs.  And for ladies …. Can you say “spandex”? Cowabunga!!!

OK, there may not be an MTV Video awards in my future but ya gotta admit this new video concept rocks the – itis. I mean, my lipsyncs are at least as good as that blowdried A-Ha guy, right? Take on this, sucker! And imagine Jess in her best ZZ Top “Legs” outfit  ? Man, if that’s not a screensaver…

Bill met me at door of the Realm (not really a door, coz none of us have those, more like a World of Warcraft souvenir beach towel draped over his cubicle entrance). Then he made me chug a bottle of iced Lipton raspberry while I hummed the theme song of the “Transformers” cartoon. Then we talked turkey. We talked technological solutions. We talked … music videos. Wait till you see the glory of the Realm! Wait until I rent a smoke machine! Oh the Eighties horror of it all.

The rumors are true. I have gone over to the dark side. I entered that shrouded domain deep in the heart of of the mailroom of L-P that is officially known as… “Bill’s Video Realm”. After the “waves” of success off our first collaboration - A Duct Taped Fish Called Barry- I came to ask for his Bill-ness’s for more help in the fight against Indooritis.

Just previewed to footage Bill shot. Project Sleeps with the Fishes is cinematic genius. Bill shot it in hi def so we can multiplatform the sucker online and then into everyone’s mobils. Overcranked the film for that slo mo Reservoir Dogs gangsta style. It’s so awesome!

Bill and I used up all the duct tape. It looks so cool. All grey and shiny. Sitting in the middle of two feet of water in the SpongeBob pool. With that blue fishing pole poised for action. And a frosty cold T taped to it.

On the stairwell in between floor 3 and 4. Next to the firehose. It’s like some kind of modern art piece. Hard to believe “it’s” Barry. Talk about bringing the outside in! He looks like a new pool toy from Whammo. We should rent him out to birthday parties in the burbs.

Barry is a good guy. Really. He’s just making everyone a little nutty with all this “hey look at me I’m going fishing for the Big Kahuna” talk of his. He let himself become a target. We still like him like a little brother.

A very loud little brother.

Took Bill shopping with me. “Project Sleeps with the Fishes” is officially underway. Here’s what we bought: Ten rolls of duct tape, BlueRay SunBlocker sunglasses (my grandma has a pair and they’re a lot hipper than you’d think. Gran’s been stylin for years.) A bottle of Pure Leaf green tea with honey, pre-cooled and maintained at a perfect 38 degrees, a kid’s plastic fishing pole, and an inflatable wading pool, the SpongeBob deluxe model. A day inside at the “beach”: memorable. Paying for it all on the L-P corporate charge account: Priceless.

I know how Tony Soprano felt..

One of my “soldiers”- Barry - is losing focus. Must’ve been all the time “on the water” while slippery slidin’.Talkin big talk about some sport fishing vacation while all the poor L-P desk jockeys fight Indooritis. It’s not the way we do things when we go to the mattresses against Indooritis. Maybe it’s the old devil Indooritis itself. Maybe I should stay off the L-P blogs for a bit. Somebody get me a cannoli!

Honestly, the emails I read off fightindooritis.com paint a pretty scary picture. Not as bad as the poster for "Child’s Play 2” (something about possessed devil dolls with sharp knives that messes my head around) but I’ll tell ya, my brow is seriously knit. The video profile Bill threw up on the WWW didn’t help either. Talk about horror (oh the horror.)